The 7 deadly baby poos

It was inevitable. It was only a matter of time until I dedicated a blog post to poo.

My friends know just how basic my humour is and how I enjoy a good poo-related joke (or birthday card) so my experience with baby poo just adds a whole new dimension to my fascination.

When I see Harriet’s red face, glazed eyes and her little shudder as a final flourish, I wonder which of these awaits me:-

The glue poo: Like a live limpet it sticks to those bum cheeks in patches and won’t let go no matter how hard you rub with those wipes.

The ‘something’s died’ poo: A smell so noxious can only good from rotting flesh can’t it? No, it comes from your one-year-old who you’ve tried your best to pump full of veg, fruit, dairy and chicken and doesn’t its bum know it.

The ‘hide and seek’ poo: Ok this one was a bit of a mess but you’ve got every last bit… you’re sure of it… you’ve carefully cleaned their bits and folds… you give them the once over and… what’s that..? it’s STILL in the folds…How???

The chameleon poo: You know the one, it starts off dark brown and abruptly changes colour half way through to a very light brown, almost yellow. Quite an horrific achievement. Their earliest masterpiece.

The man poo: The one that simply defies logic. How can a one-year-old physically pass a stool that would rival that of a grown man.

The ‘not-so-smug-now’ poo: As your little one gets older some things get harder, some get easier. Poo is one of those things that generally get easier; gone are poonamis and leaks and in their place comes proper ‘human’ poo. That is, until it doesn’t… you’ll inevitably get caught with that clothes-wrecking leak when you’re out and about with no change of clothes and when you’re down to your last couple of wipes…

The ‘await your fate’ poo: Yesterday it didn’t happen and now it’s the following evening. You’ve got that nervousness in the pit of you stomach. You know it’s coming and when it does it will be poo armageddon. You’re never proved wrong.

I would love to hear about any I’ve missed!

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